Grief Support Library

Making prearrangements - why does it feel strange? Page 2

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Unfortunately the funeral director and the funeral home are usually blamed for this unhappiness because you can't blame family members. If you do blame someone in the family, usually an irreparable rift among the family members forms. This is a no-win scenario for everyone. I have seen this happen...more than once.

I recently had a man, his wife, and his sister come in to prearrange their funerals or final dispositions. The man's wife was uncomfortable doing this, so told them about the scenario mentioned in the preceding paragraph of this article. They were all in their 40s, lived in another county, and had used another funeral firm for their parents' services. They said, "You had no way of knowing, but that is exactly what happened in our family...and there were five of us children."

Truth is stranger than fiction.

The best way to prearrange funeral arrangements, for yourself or a loved one, is to discuss it with your family and loved ones (remember, they may be uncomfortable with the discussion), then call your funeral professional, set an appointment for a beautiful day, if there's one available. Talk to your funeral professional. If you are not satisfied with the discussion there, call another firm and talk to another professional.

DO NOT SIGN A FUNERAL CONTRACT WITH ANY FUNERAL FIRM OR FUNERAL DIRECTOR UNTIL YOU ARE SATISFIED THAT THEY WILL FULFILL TO YOUR SATISFACTION YOUR WISHES AND THOSE OF YOUR FAMILY.

Again, ask your professional if you can make unfunded funeral prearrangements until you are sure that your decisions are going to stand; do this while you are healthy and feeling good about life. Remember, a funeral should be a celebration of the life of a very special person.

Susan Mitchell Cox has served as the managing funeral director of Alexander Funeral Service in Taylorsville since it's opening in 1996. She was the first woman in a ten-count area of northwestern North Carolina to be a licensed as a funeral director and embalmer. She was recently elected as the District 10 Director for NCFDA.